(Wo)mankind- the other half of the population

(Wo)mankind- the other half of the population

Did the television blare the whole day drooling results on Assembly elections in five states which were taken as the semi-finals before the 2024 General elections?

In the noise of the exit polls did another day draw little or maybe no response during the week?

On March 8, two days before the election result, it was the International Women’s Day. The day was marked by a trickle of free messages from most names on my Whatsapp contact lists. Hardly extraordinary in any respect, I would think, because everyone gets ‘Happy &&$&$ Day” messages for any day or festival of the year.

I heard about the usual holding of functions followed by chai and samosas in seminars and lectures organized by some government, corporate or private establishments. Only some of these establishments would have had any inkling that the United Nations theme of the International Women's Day 2022 was ‘Gender equality today for a sustainable tomorrow’.

Any protests or noise about demand for equality with men were drowned under the assertions of political parties on how they had done the maximum for women in the states passing through electoral test.

While some of these claims may or may not be true, the fact remains that women continue to be unacknowledged in our world.

Some of you might be able to recall that to mark the 1908 garment workers' strike in New York against working conditions, the first time Women's Day was celebrated on February 28, 1909 in the United States of America.

Then on February 23, 1917 Russian women went on strike for ‘bread and peace’. This was the last Sunday of February and March 8 according to the Gregorian calendar. (Prior to the revolution Russia had not adopted the Gregorian calendar.)

Yet, if your check history, way back in 1848 two American women, Elizabeth Cady Stanton and Lucretia Mott,  mobilized hundreds of people for the first convention on women’s rights in the new world. It was to create awareness about anti-slavery.

But very few of us know that mera Bharat mahan has its own women’s day. The birth anniversary of the Nightingale of India, Sarojini Naidu, is observed as the National Women's Day. Known as a political leader and poetess, she was also the one who called for women's rights nearly half a century ago.

Have things changed?

The recent Assembly elections seem to show the new trend that women are coming out to vote and they may support the political party which seemingly reduces their household drudgery, thus improving their living conditions to some extent.

Yet my question is why depend merely on external elements to pump strength into women’s minds? Why can we not start within our own minds and with our own families?

A house help had an argument with his overworked young sister-in-law over the division of work. She pleaded her case but he shouted her down. Later, he came to me and triumphantly announced Humne bhi keh diya aurat ho, aurat ki tarah raha karo. (I also said you are a woman, behave like a woman). Enraged, I gave him a few minute long lecture  on how he should behave with women. The moot question was would he, even a semi-literate but vocal man on how society and culture works, ask the same of his own daughter? (Funnily, he has turned out to be an ideal wife-follower.)

Maybe my question should be addressed to women themselves!

A close friend of mine used to go gaga over how her son in law was a treasure because he cooked, took care of the dogs, the plants, the in laws, the friends, blah, blah, blah. Then her son got married. Now her tone changed to ‘my daughter in law does nothing, my son makes morning tea for her, picks her up from office, orders food because she sometimes has office work to do’. Foolishly, I asked her, “But you like your son in law precisely because he shares so much work with your daughter, then what is wrong with your son sharing some responsibilities with his wife?” Needless to say, we have not spoken since.

The Utopian world of television advertisements has quick-fix solutions. In a few seconds they give healthier, tastier food on the table, a cleaner floor to see reflection in, a clean-bottomed baby, a life full of purpose or a perfectly understanding family. Just one jolting question and you do not need X-ray vision to see enlightening dawn on the (mostly) male member/s and magically everyone starts to support the wife/daughter/sister/mother/daughter or mother in law/woman colleague/ pregnant maid. Ah, you see the badalti soch (changing mindset), smiles of understanding on everyone’s face on the screen and hear the music….tin tin tin, tun tun tun. Seriously, I love watching such ads. 

Division of work within families is not my area to interfere in. If it works for somebody, wouldn’t it be moronic of me to comment?

But Covid lockdowns have shown us how skewed this equation is. While most of the women whether with a job outside the house or not, struggled with the additional responsibility of having the whole family sitting at home for weeks, demanding immediate service, but only bickered and complained about it, tik-tok videos of men struggling with household chores filled up the left sides of our screens on Whatsapp. Sadly, it is the women who forward most of the victim-husband jokes.

I am not a 'feminist' and do not go for protests or demonstrations. I guess most of you also do not fall into that category. What I, however, understand is that the whole population on this planet, whether male or female, should have equal rights, i.e. gender equality. Don’t we all know of at least one couple who continued their production line till a son was born to them?

A couple of years ago I went for a baby shower. (Yes, the trend is catching up here too.) The girl’s mother was filling in blue papers with wishes for the baby to be born handsome and discarding the pink ones. Not adhering to the zip-your-mouth policy, I pushed a pink paper towards her to fill up. She said, “Nahin, beta hona chaiye. (No, a son should be born.”)

“Why?”

“Unse vansh chalta hai.(The lineage continues with them.)”

“But his brother already has two sons and there are no girls in the family.”

 “Par beta apna hona chahiye. (But the son should be your own). She got up and walked off.

If only looks could kill, I would have been lying dead on those diapers soaked in chocolate for a game! But did she tell her daughters she wanted sons instead?

On the contrary, a young officer’s wife climbed up several rungs in my mind when she burst in annoyed one evening. I asked her the reason.

“I asked my son to learn how to make tea. He said why make the effort when he does not drink tea. So I asked him when you get married or have a girlfriend, and she asks you for a cup of tea, wouldn’t you want to make it? He said if she wants it, she should make it herself. If he wants something, she makes it. If she wants it, then also she makes it. Can’t he do something for her?” She asked, her face flushed in support of no-daughter-in-law-on-the-scene-yet.

You also must have forwarded to most of the women the repetitive Happy Women’s Day messages from educated people about how a woman is a shero-  Shakti, (has an abusive husband), mother (spends her life toiling in the house with no respite or thanks), independent (has no rights on her salary/ gets paid less than men in the same job), bold (cannot go out alone), strong (forever fearful of physical and emotional attack), passionate (dare not express her opinion) and what not.

The day has come and gone. I have deleted the messages. I have erased the clichés - a daughter is Lakshmi (Goddess of wealth) or better care-giver for parents, or among all other creatures it is the male who has to sing and dance and look pretty to win over the female etc.

In fact, one reason I quit watching a Bollywood star’s movies was because he was always shown chasing the girl till her life became hell and she gave in or he turned insane.

But my tribute to all the men and women among friends, family, acquaintances and people I have heard of 

    Who have a single child, that too a daughter, and never give a damn about it,

Let her choose the sport/pastime/profession she wants to, however unsafe or non-conventional it be,

Do not pester their daughter to get married otherwise she would not ‘get good boys’ and let her marry the man of her choice,

Do not demand their daughter in law produce a baby till she decides to,

Support the ‘correct’ side during tumhin batao (you tell) during daughter in law and mother in law arguments,

Instill among their sons the sense that their sisters/mothers/wives are individuals not born to ‘serve’ them,

The young men who marry educated, working women and do not expect that they stop working after marriage or children

Have similar rules for daughters and daughters in law,

   Take care of the wife’s aged parents without much ado,

Are taking care of their special-need children alone when the husband left after the birth of the child,

Hear of a woman colleague’s promotion and not say- Oh, she is a woman,

Do not look at a divorced, especially single mother with isi ki galti rahi hogi (the fault must have been hers).

Though I would have loved to, I am not mentioning their names here. It is their private life, yet I know of them and they are the heroes in my world!

                                                                                                    - Anupama S Mani