Smart computer, stupid human

Smart computer, stupid human

It was Friday yesterday. I sat down to regulate my random thoughts for the blog, within the margins of the scale on the computer screen. I switched on the computer. Nothing happened. I clicked on the longish power button on the right panel. (What is it called?) There was some blinking and there appeared a flickering dash on the top left of the screen. I waited. Nothing further happened to that dash.

I tried a couple more times with the same result. I went to the boss of the house and told him. Switch it off and then on, he suggested. I did as was told.

Next time the blue screen lit up and the coloured dots of Microsoft started dancing on the screen. Their dance continued for a couple of minutes and it dawned on me that there was something seriously wrong. The message when the machine asks to find the error or start normally after a sudden power shutdown, also did not appear. I pressed all the ‘F’ keys on the keyboard. No reaction!

It had gone black and silent. I took out the plugs and put them back in, switched it off, on, off, on, a couple more times, before I understood that it was getting beyond my below-elementary level of knowledge of the wonder machine in front of me. 

I was aware that this electronic brain was getting slow and outdated as most of the times I could not open websites. I had been told that this could not be updated. But who does not love their possessions! So I remained faithful to it. My favourite way out for the last one year had been to wait till Mani was out of the house, open the site on his computer and then take photos of patterns on my phone since I had been trying to cut down on paper consumption.

I sought help from Google on my phone. I looked at several sites and went through many Youtube channels trying to be a computer doctor.

Does the mouse work? I suppose it does, yet I changed batteries.

Does the keyboard work? It does, generally with a little repeated tapping, slowly getting close to pounding on the shift, a, v and a few other keys. Yes, I changed the battery there too.

The lid of the battery case had disappeared. I know I kept it safe somewhere when it fell down one day. The trouble is when I keep something in a safe place, I never am able to find it when I need it. There must be some superior power strategizing, because these lifeless objects can think but only as much as they are thought to think, assures science. I have started to feel that this power is their guardian angel and so everything kept in a safe place sits there waiting quietly for that time when I have outgrown its need, and then like the sparkle created by the fairy’s wand, it emerges from its dark abode, proudly mocking my sense of concentration, focus and memory. Maybe I should stop multitasking and focus on doing one thing at a time!

I again sought the help of the magician who comes in to cajole it back into communication when the desktop gives me this cruel silent treatment. He looked glum. He asked several questions, tapped nearly all the keys, touched several icons, opened God knows what and in an impatient, irritated voice, announced, “I have told you this PC has outlived its life. It is old and slow and not compatible with almost all the latest software and applications.” The frown and the scowl on his face told me clearly this was the last time he was coming to resuscitate the comatose machine.

The diagnosis was uncertain. Was it old age or was the PC disowning me? Can I say it had crashed?

Like the bonds in a jaded marriage, we too had turned incompatible, was a very sad thought. I have to let this bot walk out of this relationship and look for a new partner. That would need some work. But this old companion would not harbour any ill feelings against me, was a consolation.

For those of you who like happy endings, it was in working condition when I sent it into assisted living with the support of tech experts.

The pain of parting is there but I am psyching myself for a fresh start, to have a new relationship with a modern updated machine.

I can almost see the smirk on your face almost asking me why do I work on a computer when I do not even know the problems it can have.

Haven’t you seen:

People owning cars yet do not know the rules of the road and also various switches and levers on the console?

People who get paid handsomely and yet do not do the one job they are given?

Those in business who only look at the increasing digits in their bank accounts and not at the purpose?

Politicians in power who do not know what their voters want?

People in opposition who have not the faintest idea how they should behave?

Those among us who live on this planet yet do not care how it should be preserved?

Let us just say I am in a different lowly category altogether.

                                                                                                - Anupama S Mani