Credit card chronicle

 

Credit card chronicle

I cannot be exact because I started counting in retrospect. Yet if I am close to correct, this call must be the 16^th. And the phone company continues to earn as this journey goes on with calls coming at irregular intervals.

It all began with Mani expressing his desire to a close friend’s son for credit card of the largest nationalized bank on Bharatbhoomi (land of India). Mani’s go-to person for everything - calling the water purifier servicing guy after the tank-cleaning in our complex left huge deposits in our machine, his pass code for Netflix on the TV, hiring a taxi to go to Delhi, even a good cup of cappuccino, this smart, super well-mannered, young man never ever raises an eyebrow nor does his tone change at these strange offhand and urgent requests of ‘Mani uncle’. One lucky day he noticed a poster in a mall and hey presto, he did it. He arranged for a bank representative to come and collect the information required for getting the credit card.

Perhaps some of you might understand when I say so far the whole incident was typical of the Indian male’s wiser-than-thou air. I had asked him why he needed another credit card. One thing he should thank his stars for is that volume or size-wise, I am a shopper of shamefully low calibre and the add-on cards pass claustrophobic lives inside the pockets of my wallet. If they could speak, the cards would have begged me to allow them the occasional  adventurous slithering trips through the dangerously narrow interiors of a swiping machine.

But to go back to my story, the representative came, took the copies of his PAN card, bank statement, proof of residence, some other papers and went away promising that the card would be there within a week. There was no hanky-panky and no fraud. 

You may recall that private banks are over-enthusiastic about improving your image as a spender and rush you bulky envelopes with the card and the offers for temptations that go with it, as soon as you satisfy the conditions.

And that was when the excitement started. Within a couple of days Mani got a call from the bank asking for his home address, Pan card number and other sundry things.

He liked the attention. I could hear him gleefully sharing the details with the voice on the other end. His enthusiasm did not die down as the call came once again, twice, thrice and…

Slowly it turned into a ritual. Somebody from the bank's call centre would ring him up, he would patiently or otherwise, leave whatever he was doing and rattle off the answers to what was being asked-

Sir, ….is your name?

Your pan card number?

….is your residence address?

Is this your office address too?

Do you work from home?

Is your home address the same as your office address?

How long have been you living here?

How long have been you working here?

How much is your monthly income?

Compelled by my nature, a couple of times I tried to get my voice in to ask if it was the bank or the call centre? The bank has your details, why can’t the call centre check and get it from them, was my question? I even tried out ‘Centralised database system’, a new-found expression solely netsurfed for the purpose, on him.

Yet the only earning member of our family doggedly threw up the benefits of having this particular credit card at me and how I did not understand money matters.

Then one winter evening when the sun had gone down and the moon was yet to make an appearance, dark clouds of impatience and irritation gathered in the mind of the lord of this apartment as the cellphone rang, he picked it up, and blew his fuse. I heard him shout, “Why do you keep bothering me with the same questions? Why can’t you ever check with your records for these details? Why don’t you confirm with the bank itself?”

Now all of you must be familiar with the procedure of such calls. They always start afresh. As opposed to the physician- specialist route where you do not have to tell your ailment again, it is more like calling out God every morning during exams. You start narrating the tale of your troubles from the beginning every time. The internet is bubbling over with information on problems faced by call centres and the staff there. But have you ever wondered how the people on the other side of the phone line feel?

Unlike his spouse, the calls did not respect the importance of the task Mani was performing or his privacy and came while he was sleeping, eating, reading, working, driving or even in the bathroom and at any time of the day.

So one day I heard him angrily give the final verdict- dena hai to do, nahin to jao bhad mein, mujhe disturb mat karo. (If you want to give it, do so, otherwise go to hell, do not disturb me).

Next time in exasperation, the volume went up with a, “I do not want this card. Go remove my name from your list.”

If you think that was the end of the story, you are mistaken. Exactly as Lord Krishna had explained to Arjuna in the Bhagwadgita, that the soul comes into the world wearing a new body on rebirth, the phone calls for credit card took a new life then on.

Sir, did you cancel your request?

We want to confirm that you do not want the card.

The calls are still coming. The latest addition to the questionnaire is-

Sir, you have said you do not want this card. Could you please tell us why you do not like having this card?

Now sometimes people who ring him up do not get an answer as he sits ignoring the ringing phone muttering, wohi … credit card wala hoga (Must be the … credit card guy). And those among friends and acquaintances who have my number, ring me up to check. My always-quiet phone gets confused, it does not know whether to be happy that it got the chance to play  ‘Circuit’ to tell me of its existence, or be mollified that “Yes, he is here, I would let him know,” would last just four seconds.

Ah, there goes the phone again. He has picked it up. Maybe it is the call for the credit card. I must go and enjoy the exchange. I can see you mouthing, “such perverse pleasure,” but see for once he, the boss of our domain, does not have anything in hand to brag about- neither the card nor the solution to the unending calls!

                                                                                                                    - Anupama S Mani