Gen - FOPO

 

Log kya kahenge!

What will the people say?

No, nobody has to answer that. This is not a question. It is a statement, a remark. Whatever you do or decide, you are most likely to hear those three significant words, the bane of life for most of us, from your family, friends or even colleagues.

It could be a small matter of your appearance: what styles, colours, cuts of clothes, light or heavy jewellery, colour and style of hair and make-up to wear to work or social and cultural engagements or bigger issues in life. Whatever be your choice, there will always be the Log Kya Kahenge reaction. It may or may not be followed by a suggestion, but these words are enough to deflate the air out of your sense of achievement balloon.

I can think of only a few of the hundreds of such situations where Log Kya Kahenge is the response or counter-question. For the sake of not repeating these words throughout and offending you, I’d just use LKK.

Why don’t you dress according to your age…LKK.

Men don’t wear these colours…LKK.

You want to keep studying further and not work…LKK.

Why do you want to work when our family can afford everything (mostly aimed at women) …LKK.

Why do you want to be a (choice of profession)? Girls/boys do not work as…LKK.

Why do you want to pursue (choice of an off-beat extra-curricular activity) in your free time …LKK. 

You want to stay at home and be a house husband…LKK. 

Want to end your marriage? It does not happen in our families (even ending an abusive one and yes, women can be abusers too). You should try to make it work. …LKK. 

Plan to marry again or a younger man/an older woman …LKK.

Not thinking of having children or to have only one child. In recent times, it could be having a third child too…LKK.

You have money and you want to spend it only on yourself…LKK.

Conversely, if you have money and you share a large part of it with the less fortunate ones, the rule of LKK still applies.

Want to live on your own while your parents have a big house…LKK.

It can also be the reverse poser - still living with your old parents and burdening them

…LKK.

Taking public transport while you can afford your own vehicle…LKK.

Not following the societal norms about religion or rituals (i.e. not keeping a fast during Navratri/ Karva Chauth/Teej or getting a hair-cut on Tuesdays/ buying a motorcycle on Saturday etc.… LKK.

Choosing a big/small or government/private school for your children… LKK.

It looks like you are under constant watch. I have also noticed women get more of the LKK treatment than men.

The 2017 film What Will People is a scary example of the LKK effect. The review by

https://www.nytimes.com/2018/07/12/movies/what-will-people-say-review.html

said -Tyranny begins at home.

Nisha’s parents try to uphold the appearance of traditionalism despite their distance from home, and their anxiety at cultural loss is transferred onto their daughter (and her developing sexuality). In a resolute acknowledgment of the oppression that too many young women face at home, the film portrays the family structure as the enforcing unit of feminine docility.

Haven’t you heard parents telling their children to study hard otherwise they would not get admission into the college of choice or land ‘the’ job and then… LKK.

Or gender-specific instructions e.g., to sons, “Don’t sit at home all day, go out like boys/ Why do you cry like a girl…LKK. To the daughters-Stop staying out for long hours or to dress a certain way. Why? Because… LKK.

People who have achieved something in life would not have done so if they always thought of LKK. Yet some of these achievers are later crushed and dejected by the criticism of their fans, media and opponents.

Have you also noticed that LKK is basically a middle class problem? The bottom level of society is so busy eking out a living and trying to make the best of every tiny opportunity available that they can not stop to think of others’ views.

On the other hand, the top stratum who have money, position or power are so wrapped up in their lives that what to talk of caring for LKK, they do not even think of the impact their actions might have on the society at large. If you do not agree with this, just recall some of the actions and activities of celebrities or personalities in the spotlight.

The ones who do not fall into the LKK trap are called artistic, bohemian, adventurous, free-spirited, show-offs, happiness-chasers, ambitious or even self-centered.

Who doesn’t want to be liked for his/her appearance, personality, nature, intelligence or achievements? Isn’t that what Facebook is all about? But the fact is, the whole world does not like even God, supposed to be the creator and destroyer of this world. Then how does a poor mortal stand a chance? With the LKK gun on the head, one starts making decisions on the basis of what the others might think. It is like going into a narrow-necked bottle of others’ expectations. And once in the bottle, one can only hope for a thorough shaking to be able to come out.

I am not going into the psychology of the people saying or being affected by LKK or the sociological reasons for this. There are people qualified to do that.

I only ask if you ever meet one of these log, please introduce me too.

Who are these judgmental people?

Are they for real or a figment of somebody’s imagination?

Can they be seen?

How are they qualified to speak about everything under the sun?

Why are they so concerned about what I do with myself or my life?

How do my life choices affect them?

If I want somebody’s opinion, won’t I myself seek somebody I trust, and not any random unknown person?

Remember the film song kuchh to log kahenge, logon ka kaam hai kehna (People will say something, it is their job to comment)?

Sometimes, the devil inside kicks up and you have no fear of other people’s opinions or FOPO as Michael Gravis calls it. That is the time you stomp your foot and say - to hell with these log. I know best what is right for me, so I will do as it suits me. None of their business!

“Care about what other people think and you will always be their prisoner.” - Lao Tzu

                                                                                                                        - Anupama S Mani