Gen- Mother's day

 

 Her nickname is mom

Looks like my questions about tomorrow are going to remain unanswered again! Yes, I do remember it is Mother’s Day on the second Sunday of May, and that is exactly why it raises several queries for me.

No, it is not that I have a huge brood of children and would be driven to fatigue by the question who would be giving me what gift. It is not that I have undeclared children living on this planet and they might come forward to claim their rights. It is not that the family has so many activities planned to celebrate the day that my cerebrum would be over-exercised.

It is the question about the relevance of observing mother’s day itself.

According to https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mother's_Day

In 1907 Anna Jarvis held a memorial for her mother Ann Reeves Jarvis, at St Andrew's Methodist Church in Grafton, West Virginia, USA. Ann Jarvis, a peace activist cared for wounded soldiers on both sides of the American Civil War and created Mother's Day Work Clubs to address public health issues. Anna Jarvis wanted to honor Ward Howe’s Mother’s day Proclamation of 1870, which called upon mothers of all nationalities to band together to promote the ‘amicable settlement of international questions, the great and general interests of peace,’ and to set aside a day to honor all mothers because she believed a mother is ‘the person who has done more for you than anyone in the world’.

She specifically noted that ‘Mother's’ should ‘be a singular possessive, for each family to honor its own mother, not a plural possessive commemorating all mothers in the world.’

In some cases, countries already had existing celebrations honoring motherhood, and their celebrations then adopted several external characteristics from the US holiday, such as giving carnations and other presents to one's mother.

Internationally, there were immediate concerns surrounding the exclusive association of Mother's Day with a biological definition of motherhood. Constance Adelaide Smith instead advocated for Mothering Sunday as an equivalent celebration as in medieval  traditions of celebrating Mother Church, 'mothers of earthly homes', Mary, mother of Jesus and Mother Nature. 

I want to ask should it not be extended to fathers, aunts or grandparents too who mother the children when the biological mother is absent due to some reason?

So much for the history and geography of the day! But in India it is a day to celebrate actually only in cities and that too mostly among families influenced by the American way of living.

Besides Mother’s Day, there is only birthday which is a special day for a woman. The rest are all shared with the others like wedding anniversary (with your husband), International Women’s day (with millions of people from the same gender on this planet), sometimes grandparents or daughter-in-law or mother-in-law day too (Ever even heard of them?).

Who introduced it in our country? We don’t know. Probably Hallmark because they had cashed in on the occasion as early as in 1920 (says Wikipedia) in the US. Do we Indians need to celebrate it? We cite from our mythology how in Ramayana Lord Rama went for 14-year exile to fulfill his (step)mother’s wish or in Mahabharata how Arjuna obeyed his mother when she told him to share what he had found,  little realising that it was a living human being, his wife Draupadi. Of course, there are other glorious examples too but I need not remind you of all of them here.

I like the idea of mothers getting presents - cakes, chocolates, flowers, beauty and health care items, clothes, books, CDs, plants, even jewellery. Household appliances are, however, a very sorry addition to the list. My advice as a mother - stay away from the temptation to improve her style of cooking, washing, ironing on this day by giving her a machine, even giving her a pup or kitten so that when you are not there, she gets saddled with the mandate of taking care of another being (besides an Indian father who needs mothering forever).

Those of us whose families fix only one day out of the 365 (366 in a leap year) for the member who works or has worked almost all waking hours for them, are telling her to be content, we are celebrating in her name. Is she okay with it?

A friend blessed with my level of irreverence, showed me her daughter’s message and cheekily remarked, “It is good she has forgotten that I am the same mother whom she had hissed at, ‘mummy yahan nahin (not here)’, ‘inke saamne nahin (not in front of them)’, or fought with, yelled at, walked out of the room over the choice of clothes, friends, boyfriend or going out.”

Because I know the family and the children tolerate me, my free suggestion to them was to erase the thought of doing or giving anything on Mother’s day and to talk to her whenever they can and keep her included in their life.

Yet, most women get overwhelmed with the display of love and shower of gifts. The ones who do not get anything, still go to town showing off the messages and photos plastered in their Facebook accounts.

These two summers, the pandemic has crushed the question you and I are dying to ask- Why exhibit this love on social media if you cannot spend time with her any day, any time of the year?

And in the time of the pandemic when some are working from home, handling most of the housework and jobs too? It is an especially tough time for single mothers, women living in joint families or those who have to go out to work while the husband is working from home and expects her to finish all housework before she leaves the house. No wonder, hundreds of mothers merely nod their heads on the question, “Aren’t you lucky you have so much time to spend with your kids due to the pandemic?”

Yet the worst for me are the super-emotional messages and quotes hammering the importance of motherhood that women send me. This includes countless ones who became mothers by accident, mistake or because the in-laws wanted this or the society expected it of them.

Women sending these messages to other women, a case of misery loves company?

The internet is throwing up so much information and advice on how to make this day like none of the other 364 have been, that I want to say:

Too scared to order food from outside? Clear the fridge of leftovers or prepare an instant mix, admire your present, pick up your favourite book/needlework/movie, plug your ears to drown out all outside noise and have your happy time.

And all the children whatever age they may be, if you are committed to helping the Indian economy grow with your shopping for gifts, carry on. But those of you who just want her to have a good time, even if you do not make her your Facebook friend, send her some moments of smiles and laughter. I am just trying to help with the following.

The three words which solve every Dad’s problems? Mummy se poochho
(Ask your mother).

***

Daughter: Mum, what’s it like to have the greatest daughter in the world?
Mum: I don’t know dear, you’d have to ask Grandma.

***

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says, “That’s the ugliest baby that I’ve ever seen.” The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her, “The driver just insulted me!” The man says, “You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I’ll hold your monkey for you.”

***

A: I have the perfect son.
B: Does he smoke or drink?
A: No, he doesn’t.
B: Ever comes home late?
A: No, he doesn’t.
B: You really do have the perfect son. How old is he?
A: He will be six months old next Wednesday.

***

Two children asked their mother to stay in bed one Mother’s Day morning. As she lay there looking forward to breakfast in bed, the smell of bacon floated up from the kitchen but the food never came. After a good long wait she finally went downstairs to investigate. She found them both sitting at the table eating bacon and eggs. “As a surprise for Mother’s Day,” one explained, “We decided to cook our own breakfast.”

***

Fred, 32, was still single and miserable. One day a friend suggested, “Why don’t you find a woman who will be a good wife?”
Fred replied, “I’ve found many women I wanted to marry, but when I bring them home to meet my parents, my mother doesn’t like them.”
His friend thinks for a moment and says, “I’ve got the perfect solution, find a girl who’s just like your mother.”
A few months later they meet again and his friend asked, “Did you find the perfect girl that your mother liked?”
With a frown on his face, Fred answered, “Yes, I found the perfect girl. She was just like my mother and my mother liked her very much.”
The friend said, “Then what’s the problem?”
Fred replied, “My father didn’t like her.”

***

A family was having dinner on Mother’s Day but the mother was unusually quiet. Finally, her husband asked what was wrong.
“Nothing,” said the woman.
Not believing her, he asked again. “No seriously, what’s wrong?”
Finally she said, “Do you really want to know? Well, I’ll tell you. I have cooked and cleaned and fed the kids for 15 years and on Mother’s Day, you don’t even tell me so much as ‘Thank you.'”
“Why should I?” he said. “Not once in 15 years have I had a Father’s Day gift.”
“Yes,” she said, “but I’m their real mother.”

***

Son (to dad): What’s a man?  

Dad: Someone who is responsible and cares for their family.

Son: I hope one day I can be a man just like mom!

***

Mummy: The amazing ability to hear a sneeze through three closed doors in the middle of the night, three bedrooms away… while Daddy snores next to you.

A child walks up to his mom and asks, “Mom, can I go bungee jumping?” The mom says “No, you were born from a broken rubber and I don’t want you to go out the same way!”

***

A little girl asked her mother, “How did the human race appear?”
Mum answered, “God made Adam and Eve and they had children, and so was all mankind made …”
Two days later the girl asked her Dad the same question.
Dad answered, “Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race evolved.”
The confused girl returned to her mother and said, “Mum, how is it possible that you told me the human race was created by God, and Dad said they developed from monkeys?”
The mother answered, “Well, dear, it is very simple. I told you about my side of the family and your father told you about his!” 

     

   

                                                                                                       - Anupama S Mani