Covidiquette

Covidiquette

Travel back in time for a minute to 2018. There is an invitation to a get-together of friends. You refuse straightaway because you do not want to mingle with people. Yet in case you feel comfortable to go, you do not shake hands, hug, bump chests or kiss on the cheeks. You sit six feet away, keep dabbing your hands with a germ-killer that you carried with you, keep your mouth covered, do not accept food or drink and the conversation mostly revolves around sickness and vaccination. No need to tell you that it is rude, very rude indeed, socially unacceptable and insulting to others around you. That is labeled bad etiquette. 

Now back to 2020 and 2021 and all the above are considered polite behavior according to ‘covidiquette’. Times have changed and thanks to a ‘sub-microscopic infectious agent’, this is what we are supposed to do and almost everyone appreciates this as being considerate too. 

Nearly 18 months of fear, a few lockdowns of varying degrees followed by unlocking ki prakriya (process of unlocking) and crores of forearms pricked with vaccine shots have redefined etiquette and good behavior. The best thing is that these rules are uniform whatever country, continent or society you might be living in. 

Now safety of health –both our own and others’, has become so important that we do not want to compete with the next person in violating the three cardinal rules viz. 

• wearing a mask, 
• keeping a ‘safe one metre distance, 
• regular washing and disinfecting of hands. 

We are so used to wearing masks that I would want to wear one during a train journey too. Remember how when someone opens a dibba (container)of paratha (Indian bread) and achar (pickle) in a train coach, the smell lingers in the enclosed space for hours after that. Wouldn’t you want to wear a mask to keep that smell away if you are not in the mood for eating (and no sharing of food please)? Doesn’t the virus too get trapped in that space for as long? 

Make a fashion statement with your mask coordinated with your attire, advise fashion experts. Because faces are covered and expressions remain unseen, do not be horrified if hand gestures slowly become important again. Haven’t we all seen some people gesticulating wildly in the air when on the phone as if the listener is right in front of them? 

Thomas P Farley aka Mister Manners suggests smiling with your eyes or the ‘smize,’ he even recommends watching online videos of supermodel Tyra Banks, an expert in this, to learn how to do it. 

Social distancing respects non-violation of one’s space. I would not be surprised if some people stop shouting give me some space after the disuse of our social muscles these last two summers. No fist bumps, hugs, kisses or even handshakes (reported to have been in vogue since 5th century in Greece), for now. Elbow bumps also means touching the other person and don’t they just look odd, especially at formal/business meetings? 

I also find it better to create physical distance while walking on a road/ pavement/ street or if in a group, fall into a single file when passing others to make room. That way the wavering and side-stepping is avoided. 

Then comes the sanitiser. There is so much gyan being circulated freely on social media about their plus and minus properties that I could earn a Ph.D. if I merely put all of it together systematically. 

The United Nations Children's Fund (UNICEF) has released three videos on Covidiquette in Ukraine …good-natured irony and grotesque with the aim of … communicating that new social norms have emerged. You may watch at https://www.unicef.org/ukraine/en/blog/new-etiquette

Then there are other factors too. We have got so used to remote thermometers being aimed at us as we enter shops, restaurants, malls, work places and commercial buildings that if somebody pointed a gun at me, I might have my hand blown off when as a reflex action, I aim my wrist at the barrel. 

If somebody signals me to take shoes off as I enter their house, I do not fidget. My mind does ask - why is the virus selective against shoes? During the third wave that we have been warned against, will people expect visitors to take their clothes off too? Not worth meeting anyone outside my bathroom, I would say. 

And of course, confirming about somebody’s vaccination status is not taboo as long as you are not using the tone you do while commenting to someone about their partners. If you have kids at home who have not been vaccinated, I would prefer (it is wiser) to ask visitors to wear masks and sit three armlengths away than risk the children’s health. 

There has been so much noise recently against blowing out candles on birthday cakes because unknowingly spit might be getting sprayed on the cake to be shared among guests happily.

Not only Indian culture-patriots, but the whole population of Asia must feel vindicated now because the Indian Namaste and Thai custom of folding hands to greet, salaam i.e. touching one’s forehead with fingertips of your open right palm or bowing like the Japanese, are all being considered safer now. I have seen people not wanting to go somewhere, shamelessly give the excuse, “I just met somebody who had Covid so I am in isolation.” Not bad, eh?

 

For weddings now is the time to exploit the 50-persons restriction and not invite people you would have otherwise out of sheer decency. Fewer people means less drama/hassle/expense yet more fun besides savingsfor your old age, needs and wants or to give to children. For the invitees this is the golden era for refusing invitations. You can, however, decide whether to send the gift now or give it later. 

The only question is how far you go to follow these tenets or have them followed. Everyone has their own standards and for the sake of your own peace of mind there is no need to be sensitive about or fight over it but it is always sane to utter a clear ‘excuse me’ and move away or aside in case somebody is too close for comfort/not wearing a mask in a crowded place. This especially applies to situations where others are not equally careful and considerate, and the helper/attendant there also gives you the look as if it is you who is paranoid. 

The point of good etiquette is to guide our own actions, not to judge others for theirs. Although we may not be able to control others’ opinions or behaviors, we can choose to use consideration, respect, and honesty to guide our own.

https://www.theatlantic.com/family/archive/2021/07/how-be-polite-post-pandemic-etiquette-manners/619346/

Covid or no Covid I have behaved like a stern schoolmarm asking people to cover their mouths as they cough, sneeze or even burp loudly or yell in the air around me. 

And while we are talking of good manners it is pertinent to say all that money that you saved on clothes, make-up and fancy outside food or drinks during the lockdown periods, spend a little to tip all servers and couriers. 

Servers are not only exposed during the pandemic, they are trying to make ends meet with fewer customers, which in turn means fewer tips. 

https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/2020/09/10/covid19-etiquette-guide-faq/

Now we come to the delicate matter of funerals because the issue prompted today’s post.

Nearly every family has lost a member/relative/friend to this darned virus, especially in the second wave. One former colleague and friend sent a message in the night of May 6 that his wife had passed away. I talked to him in the morning. It was during the thick of the second wave. I planned to visit him when the wave ebbed. But driven by several reasons I could not. Weeks slowly turned into three months as the hesitation about what would I say started to grow and the visit never happened. 

One night a few days ago he rang up to inform that he had sold this house. Sick of the city, he was leaving it because in his difficult time nobody had come forward even kandha dene ke liye (to be pallbearers) though the neighbours kept watching from their houses, he said. 

Gone out of town I was returning the day of his departure and I told him so. “I shall meet you when I come here next time,” was his reply. But shaken and wanting to meet him before he left, I came back the next day. I rang him up and asked him if he was available. “No, absolutely not. I will meet you when I come here next,” was his clear albeit terse answer. I could sense the frustration and anger in his voice and felt as if I had ignored or betrayed him when he needed support to cope with the bereavement. 

There was no point reasoning with him that like everybody else, I also did not step out of the house or physically interact with people for a couple of months. 

Farley also says: “Often, after the initial outpouring of support, the check-in calls begin to dwindle. Staying in contact with the bereaved is vital, particularly during a time when so many already feel shut off from the people and places that bring them joy.” 

A dear friend consoled me saying he would get in touch once his anger subsides and he gets used to the new normal in his life. But I feel like all those years of mutual respect had evaporated with that short conversation and dosti (friendship) had died a painful death. 

                                                                                                      - Anupama S Mani