A hair-raising issue

 A hair-raising issue

Virat Kohli in his new avatar

In life there always has to be a first time for everything (even non-criminal, socially permitted harmless activities), for all of us. With mercury shooting up and causing discomfort under the natural rug on my scalp and not brave enough to wash it myself for the fear of ‘non-sterile’ water getting into my eyes after cataract surgery, I, for the first time in my life went to a salon last month to get my hair washed. (Are you clucking your tongue with surprise, even shock?)

My experience was rather uninteresting. I tried two famous salons close to my house. The first gave good results, but I was put off by their step-wise price hike during the process.

In the second one where I went after a few days, it was suggested that I also get my hair trimmed. Naturally, we debated on the length of the hair to be cut. Finally, as the thinning six inch tail of my hair slipped on the floor from between the young lady’s fingers, she remarked- Dekha aapne, yeh dead ho gaye the! (Did you see they had become dead?)

My head reeled. Did she realise that the natural fibres on the heads of all of us are dead and you don’t need a degree in anatomy to know that. It is no discovery which could win a Nobel prize for anyone.

Scared that she might be encouraged to go on and up my ‘living’ locks, I stayed silent, thanked her, paid and walked out in the blazing sun.

We jolly well know that hair is the crowning glory for any person. No wonder then that hair care has always been important for most of the people.

Earlier, reetha (soap nuts), shikakai and gooseberry were soaked overnight and hair washed with that sudsy water the next day. You could also wash it with multani mitti (fuller’s earth clay), chickpea flour or various soaps meant for washing hair. In the villages people used the clay from the bottom of a pond to wash hair. For every important occasion or family and religious function hair was washed or what they call taking a head-bath in the south of India.

Instead of hair conditioners coconut, gooseberry, mustard, even almond or homemade oils were massaged into the scalp to get rich, lustrous crop. Grey hair was dyed the colour of black boot polish (Indians have black hair) as there were no other choice of colour available.

The expression of love of a grandmother/mother/sister/friend was the offer to do a champee (oil massage) on your scalp. Although it made you look like the oily rag the cook cleaned the wok with, the word shampoo is believed to have its root in that process.

Most ingredients used in Indian cooking were labeled as great for hair, right from onion juice, fenugreek, curd (yogurt), lemon juice, raw eggs, beer or black tea. Even now aloe vera gel and okra juices are touted as magic potions for hair.

Who can’t recall the fights between siblings ending with girls crying after brothers pulled their pigtails or braids? Keeping hair long was the done thing. To get your hair cut you went to the ‘saloon’ - mostly unisex, and getting a U/blunt/steps/wave cut. You came home and washed the small needles of cut hair, off your body and clothes yourself.

Most of the people sported hairstyles within a small range of choices. You made a braid or bun with long hair with side or middle parting. The stylish ones used hair spray to put their hair up into French Rolls, puffs, or high/low on the neck buns depending on the fashion.

Men sometimes followed a film star. Remember the Rajesh Khanna cut? A man with a jar of Brylcream in his bathroom was considered fashionable. Recall the swashbuckling Farokh Engineer? Going premature grey or bald did not happen very often.

There were no other processes involved. In fact, as teenagers, one big revelation was the gyan (knowledge) about split ends!

Then came the hair transplant revolution for those with part of their toupee disappearing and fans of Bollywood stars could score merit positions in their knowledge on this topic.

All this was merely a few years ago, i.e. before we let advertising and social media dictate nearly all our choices in life.

Draupadi  meme by Shreya Sharma 

Now hair care means hair mask, shampoo, conditioner, trimming, cutting, straightening, bleach/colour/streak/, various treatments – keratin/protein, smoothening, relaxing, toning, detox, gloss and several more to regenerate, nourish and strengthen hair. Hair cannot be normal, it has to be classified as dry, oily, curly, frizzy, thin, damaged, distressed, ‘lifeless’ and what not.

No wonder, hair care is a multi-million dollar (actually in any currency) industry where companies sell hundreds of products- shampoos, oils, foams, sprays in bottles, jars and sachets advertised as magic for your head fleece.

Please note, the mention of this shampoo
is just incidental.

Yesterday I read about a ‘care system’ which suggested ‘wash and condition your hair, apply ultra deep masque conditioner while wet, cover hair with plastic cap/saran wrap and sit under the hairdryer. Rinse, towel dry some, but leave damp, and spray hair treatment gently. Dry on low little to no heat hair dryer or allow to dry naturally and style as usual. Avoid overuse of curling iron hair dryers and straighteners.’ 

Does one make that much effort on any other lifeless object as is made on dead strands pushing out from the top shelf of our bodies?

The latest, it seems is to go natural. I did not understand much when the salon guy mentioned something in his wonderful English. Once back home, I Googled it and for the ignoramus like me, it is nanoplastia. https://nature-eva.com/nanoplastia/ says

A technique based on nano-technology that works on the level of molecules and atoms, penetrating deep into the hair structure to make all types of hair straight for long periods of time but most importantly it improves hair condition by closing the hair scales and is adding irresistible shine.

Nanoplastia treatment contains natural ingredients that restore damaged strands, smoothing them and eliminating curls, leaving them smooth and shiny for 6-12 months.

For me all this sounds like a torture and do you know the cost? Phew!

It is not that I have no respect for my hair. After I wash it, there is no cooking that day so that my mane does not stink. The weekly ritual- wash (with any shampoo), let it dry under the fan and put coconut/amla oil to make it behave. Then comb, twist it into a tight spiral above the nape of the neck, stick two chopsticks at right angles and voila, free! (Now I hear your gasps, but the salon guys combed through wet hair, wasn’t that sacrilege?)

There are no bad hair days. It nearly always looks the same, swept back into a non-descript bun or a normal braid. So, why would I get it straightened? And that would have to be repeated too. I do not spend that much time, money and energy on regularly nourishing my mind or the organs housed inside my body which definitely do more work than my ‘dead’ hair.

I also rarely meddle with what people do with their own crops. In fact my suggestion to my offspring was ‘do whatever you want with it as long as you have it on your head’. 

I have heard women go emotional about how their husbands love their lustrous tresses etc. Whatever be their age, they make serious efforts to ‘maintain’ and gently sway their necks to flaunt their hair. 

But Mani tells me that mine if kept open, might get me the role of a churail (witch) walking on a dark night in a horror movie.

I wonder if he is jealous!

                                                                                 -Anupama S Mani