The memory still haunts!

The memory still haunts! 

The second tower of the World Trade Centre bursts into flames after being hit by a  hijacked airplane, September 11, 2001 Image: REUTERS/ Sara K Schwittek

In a cheerful frame of mind, I sat down to share with you that I’d be travelling, so would not be able to post anything for the next two Saturdays. To confirm, I checked the calendar and, the realization slowly dawned on me.

My heart sank. The two-decade old painful image of my toddler son crying hysterically rose in my eyes, as it does this time every year.

I had entered into the house after my usual afternoon shift one night, rattled and exhausted with the earth-shaking news of the day, when he rushed to me.

Top left: The remaining tower of WTC, Tower 2, dissolves in a cloud of dust and debris about a half hour after the first twin tower collapsed, September 11, 2001. REUTERS/Ray Stubblebine 

Top right: A lone police officer sits away from where family members of the victims were gathering at the base of the "Ground Zero." REUTERS/Mike Segar

Bottom: Cars never claimed from Giants Stadium commuter lot after 9/11, Image Bored Panda

It looked as if he had been crying for some time. There were tear stains on his cheeks and his red eyes were still brimming with water unshed. Bubbles of saliva were popping from his lips gone white and dry. His small body shook every time he sobbed. He did not have many words in his vocabulary. He was making wild gestures with his arms, continuously babbling gibberish. The only words I could understand were – ‘plane’, ‘aag (fire)’, ‘log (people),’ ‘fyebiddett (fire brigade)’.

His sitter, with whom he watched TV cartoons every evening, also had tears in his eyes. I knew then that they had seen it in the news. They looked askance at me. I just nodded, my head already swimming with shock. I did not know how to deal with this. I hugged his shaking little body tight, talked continuously for what seemed like an eternity till after a couple of hours he calmed down, his sobbing stopped, his attention was diverted and he was tired and sleepy.

Yes, it was the evening (IST) of 9/11.

President Bush was informed minutes after the first plane hit. Interestingly, the picture at the back is The Colors of Us, a children’s book by Karen Katz. Lena (7), wanting to paint a picture of herself, wants to use brown for her skin. When she takes a walk through the neighborhood with her mother, she realises that brown comes in several different shades. The story of a little girl who starts seeing the world around with a fresh perspective and the differences and similarities which connect people. Image: Bored Panda

The September 11 attacks feel like a personal loss to me for I remember how something happening more than 12,000 kms away had shed the dark cloud of sense of insecurity and danger human beings pose on an innocent, unknowing mind. So much for trying to shield children from the distress of watching evil, the ugly and the suffering!

No wonder then, it is beyond the limits of my emotional intelligence to empathize with those who lost someone they cared for, saw the tragedy unfolding or worked for rescue and relief.

Top left: The foundations of the great slurry wall withstood the trauma

Top right: Segment of 369ft tall radio and television antenna, North Tower

Bottom left: Section of steel façade, North Tower, floors 96-99 (Compare man's size)

Bottom right: Ladder Company 3 Truck New York City, Fire department 

Even the little one knew that he had not been watching a movie. He had been a virtual hypnotic witness to a horrific story unfolding in time. It took days of distraction, comforting and amusement to erase the images from the young mind. He did not fully understand what had happened and where. I had to find reasons, logical and illogical both, to make him understand that it was neither the plane nor the building which was at fault, but some gande log (bad people). It was after all, not a natural calamity but a tragedy brought upon by man.

I am not going to recount the details of how four coordinated suicide airplane attacks on the 11^th of September 21 years ago, killed nearly 3000 people, injured 25,000 and caused long-term health issues to thousands of others, including those involved in the relief and rescue operations. It caused damage worth hundreds of millions of dollars to property and hit the economy of not only New York but also the world, the effects of which were felt for a very long time.

The incident that changed the way forever how the whole world looks at safety and security, recoded our sense of faith in people and races too.

Dust lady: Marcy Borders (then 28) had been working in the North Tower of the World Trade Center only a month, on the 81st floor, 12 stories down from where the American Airlines Flight 11 made impact. She made her way down the main stairwell of the tower, along with hundreds of others escaping. In the time it took her to reach the ground floor, the South Tower had just collapsed and an enormous dust cloud, visible from space, was rising. “I took chase from this cloud of dust and smoke that was following me,” Borders said. “Once it caught me it threw me on my hands and knees. Every time I inhaled my mouth filled up with it, I was choking. I was saying to myself out loud, I didn’t want to die, I didn’t want to die.” She was pulled from the dust and into a nearby lobby by a man, when photographer Stan Honda took this haunting photo. Marcy Borders passed away from stomach cancer in August 2015, cancer she believes was exacerbated by inhaling dust on that fateful day. The 9/11 Victims Compensation Fund and the World Trade Center Health Program estimate that over 2,000 have died of illnesses related to the attack over the past 18 years. Image: Bored Panda

We know that later a National September 11 Memorial or simply called the 9/11 Memorial and Museum was built at the World Trade Centre site. The museum opened to the public in 2015.

Since then, I have been asked several times if I have seen the museum during any of my visits to the US. I never admitted that I avoided going there. I feared that I might break down and be an embarrassment to myself and everyone around.

Perhaps someone among us knew them

Yet, during my last trip, I finally mustered up the courage to visit it as a tribute to everyone who became a victim of crime against humanity for no personal vendetta. I am just a fellow mourner who had grieved, even if from a distance. 

It was oddly comforting to see how the planners, architects and designers have treated this tragic loss and destruction with dignity and respect. There is a large amount of information available in cyberspace about the museum and how it was designed. The 70 feet below-ground museum has on display not only 40,000 images and 14,000 artifacts but also recordings and videos. Through the film of tears in my eyes and an upsurge of emotions I could barely take any pictures with my phone. 

The Last Column, the last piece of steel to leave Ground Zero in May 2002).

Has is brought me any closer to understanding in what spirit the carnage was committed?

No, not even an inch.

It has been more than two decades now. Every time I see the security personnel at an airport asking a passenger about some content in their bag, a parent holding up a bottle of milk to show, a patient announcing the medicines or the heap of water bottles thrown in bins near there, a dull ache rises up in my heart at the permanent loss of our confidence in the evolution of homo sapiens.

                                                                                             - Anupama S Mani