Famished wives make husbands thrive?

Famished wives make husbands thrive?

This week is almost over and some of you might already be preparing for the next week.

For those of you who are not very optimistic about the next seven days, there is consolation in the thought that you have a celestial body for company.  Believe me, that is none other than the moon.

Yes, I am talking of the same sole satellite of our planet Earth on the land of which half a century ago, three men landed, walked around and raised the US flag. Why, one of the few flashes of childhood my memory has recorded include following a serpentine queue to look at a little piece of rock, the soil of the moon, kept in a glass case at Tagore Theatre and wondering ah, the wonders of science!

The same moon to which an airlines company has even promised trips and booked some, the same moon which a poet compares his beloved’s face with and the one which you compare your bald friend’s head with.

The issue is, the moon would have a hard time in the first few minutes of its appearance that night. No, there is no lunar eclipse that I know of, nor is our Prime Minister, a fan of announcing literal leaps and bounds in every field and every direction, sending an expedition there.

I am talking of Karva Chauth, a ritualistic fast that married women in some northern and western states of India observe, for if you please, the long life of their husbands. Dressed like brides, they break the fast at night only after having a glimpse of this secondary planet before they look at their husbands (both through a sieve), mind you the same husbands whom they have complained to their parents, friends, and mothers in law about and sometimes wondered why on earth (sic) did they marry him in the first place! And it is only after that they take the first morsel of food and in most cases, first sip of water too, since sunrise that day. The moon would blush itself sick with so much attention.

Karva Chauth falls on Chaturthi, the fourth day after the full moon night in the Hindu month of Kartika. Karva is the earthen pot which the women exchange in a ‘pass the parcel’ ritual accompanied by telling of the legend that goes with it. There are several stories, rather miracles, told about how this ritual came to be observed. One sankalp (pledge) mentions keeping the fast to pray for the well- being of all male members of the family, maybe started when men used to go to fight battles or to faraway places to earn.

मम सुखसौभाग्य पुत्रपौत्रादि सुस्थिर श्री प्राप्ये करक चतुर्थी व्रतमहं करिष्ये

(I would keep the fast of Kark Chaturthi for the well-being of my husband, sons, grandsons, and to gain fixed wealth.)

My mind suffers its own Hurricane Ian when I hear the reasons for why women keep the Karva Chauth fast. To be truthful it is in my selfish interest to not go into them. I have very few friends and if I needle them about the whys of keeping Karva Chauth fast, I might lose some valuable ones among them. (Of course, I have had the opportunities to know of the grouses they have against their husbands they would be keeping the fast for.)

Remember, last year Dabur had to withdraw its ad for fem facial bleach showing a lesbian couple keeping a fast for their partners. But to each her own.    

I have a prickly feeling that it is mostly men who read this blog so isn’t it fair that I ask them? For that matter, not only Karva Chauth, but Hartalika Teej or Vat Savitri fasts too, which Indian women in some other parts of the country keep for the unshaven, unkempt faces they have been waking up next to all their married lives. (I can’t say they have chosen to wake up to, because sometimes the choice was not theirs.)

Sometimes it feels like I Am God

You would agree that in our predominantly patriarchal society it should be alright to frame the question as - Why do you ‘allow’ your wives to stay hungry and thirsty for the sake of your own health and long life?

There seems to be no longevity statistics available for the Indian men whose wives keep a fast for them vs nearly the rest of the world where wives don’t do so for theirs. And what about the divorced or widowed men?

Also, what about our saints, sages and monks who led secluded celibate lives without even glancing at the opposite sex and yet are said to have lived for several centuries?

It is unfair to think that it panders to the ego of the brilliant-minded men who read this blog. I always hope that they are what they seem – honest, tolerant, open-minded and progressive. Yet what can the reason be?

Scared of societal pressure Log kya kahenge (What will the people say)?

Wear a seat belt when driving a car, wear a helmet while riding a bike...
don't rely on Karva Chauth

Or do you treat the day as an annual recharge plan for your life insurance? Are you really scared that God will pull the plug on your life if she eats this day? (In that case, those among you who have not had the vaccinations and still survived an interaction with the virus, are justified in asking your wife to forget food and water for a day).

Scene from Dilwale Dulhaniya Le Jayenge

Or you like this exhibition of love that is put up for your sake? If that is so, I daresay Bollywood producers of Dilwale Dulhaniya Le Jayenge, Kabhi Khushi Kabhi Gham and Baghbaan owe some percentage in their bank accounts to you too. 

All of us have taught our daughters to not only grow up as smart, educated, independent thinking women, but to stand up and feel equal to men in the society. We stand by them when their marriage shakes or rumbles. We have taught our sons to not only treat women with respect, but to learn to clean and keep house, take care of the children and the in laws, so that they are equal partners to their wives, why have a different take on the woman who has brought them into this world? 

You care for lesser beings, keep a bowl of water for birds and are careful about keeping your pets and domesticated animals well-fed, yet like your wives going hungry for your sake?

Don’t you want her to live long so that she continues with your ‘husbandry’- looking after your basic needs, reminding you of your appointments, listening to repeated nostalgic stories/bickering about the world, as some of you enjoy your faded old-world notions of ‘men are superior’?

A few among you might be feeling guilty for this ‘cruelty’ to your wives, knowing at the back of your mind that the woman you brought home with such fanfare in a mega show in front of friends, family and some others who were invited just because they had to be, is going without sustenance to beg for a longer duration of old age for you.

It would be justifiable if it brought sadistic pleasure to those husbands who have had a rough time at the hands of their wives and don’t all of us know of some? 

If it is too late in your marital life to take the diametrically opposite stand on this fast and ask her to stop this ritual, you can at least sound the bugle of equality in its true sense and keep a fast for her. Haven’t you seen so many advertisements encouraging this idea? If they are making money selling this idea, then it must be damn good, is what I feel.

If fasting anyway is so good for health especially on this particular day, why not keep it with her?

Keep a fast for her, detox your body the whole day, then dress up, share a feast with her, she would go all ooh-aah over it, brag about it everywhere and you are a winner. 

Now I wait and watch how many of my friends tell me that their husbands, in the role of their gods on that day, ‘forbid’ them to talk to me after seeing this!

                                                                                               -Anupama S Mani