Days of love, romance!

Time for a test of love?

Not to put anyone under any kind of pressure, but I heard today, the 11^th of February, is Promise Day.

Let me walk you through it if you haven’t paid much attention to the matters of the heart lately. Most of us by now know that 14^th February is celebrated as Valentine’s Day, the day designated for love and romance. You may love your partner or spouse your whole life, but 7^th to 14^th of February, the whole week or rather a week plus one day, are reserved for expressing it to them, loud and clear and mostly, to the rest of the world too. So, whatever you had planned to do in this shortest month on the calendar, leave it and jump into the arena.

There is a date sheet for observing 7^th to the 14^th.  Each day has a name - Rose Day, Propose Day, Chocolate Day, Teddy Day, Promise Day, Hug Day, Kiss Day, and of course, Valentine’s Day respectively, which have attracted so much attention in the recent few years.

The understanding is that these are the days to upgrade your love life by giving whatever that day calls for, e.g., a rose/chocolates/a hug/a kiss/ proposal of love/marriage, etc. to your loved one. Then on the final day you ask them to be your ‘valentine’ and celebrate the relationship with or without what you had done that week - a romantic dinner, poetry, card, flowers, chocolates, gifts, et al.

Not to be taken lightly, hundreds of thousands of people look forward to it. They may want to act it out, to support it, or even to ignore or protest it, but it is on the front or back of their minds.

The festival of love though, does not seem to have a happy origin. Some might inform you that Valentine's Day was named after its patron saint, St. Valentine. History.com says there were two men by the name of Valentine. Emperor Claudius II had banned marriage in the belief that it distracted young soldiers. This one Valentine illegally married couples, was caught and sentenced to death.

The other Valentine who was killed for trying to help Christians escape prison in Rome, had sent a letter from prison, signed ‘from your Valentine’ to the jailor’s daughter whom he fancied.

Some historians believe that the day commemorates the death of St. Valentine on February 14, others claim the pagan fertility festival Lupercalia inspired it. The gory detail is that women were beaten with animal skin, which was believed to make them more fertile.

At the end of the 5th century, Roman Pope Gelasius officially declared February 14 as St. Valentine's Day. Yet it was only around the Middle Ages that it became associated with love and romance, because the people of France and England believed that birds started their mating season on February 14 ,and Cupid, the cherub, known for its make-people-fall-in-love power appointed the symbol. No need to talk of the history of when the other customs came to be followed.

Now, I am all for celebrating Diwali, Christmas even Halloween though the shiny tinsel and plastic decorations are tacky and wasteful, but Valentine’s Day is one day I am still confused about.

The romantic self in me is all for celebrating it. Flowers, heart-shaped chocolates, (tasteful) expressions of love, adorable stuffed teddy bear/dolphin/bunny/elephant all bring in the warm, fuzzy feelings. A few hugs can always calm the anxiety about so many things; who doesn’t like a cosy drinks and dinner out at a place of your choice and if you like or love someone why not tell them when they are alive?

In a steady relationship, you share the day with the person you love. Not bad, eh? If you feel like scattering Rs 5,000 worth orchids for her to tread on, good for her. If she also likes that, you may go to a chaat shop for dinner, come back and watch a horror movie together on Netflix and turn in early or buy a fancy bank-breaking dinner at an expensive restaurant. Taking the time out to celebrate your relationship should be worth it.

Besides, don’t the doctors say happy relationships mean good physical and mental health?

But the logical part of my brain ‘doth protest too much’.

First thing, it is too much pressure for both sides to pack every physical and emotional expression in eight days except if you enjoy the extra-busy performative time on social media, flaunting your status and demonstrating joy and happiness every next minute.

Yet, one more time of the year I am happy to be born a woman. So far, it is almost always men who must make the first move. Which flowers, colour, chocolates, words, gift, to choose? Will she like it? What if she says no to the proposal? Remember, that expensive dinner reservation would have to made well in advance and the expectations are high.

So much comparison with how others celebrated it! Poor choices would tug you down the ladder of romance and make you a receiver of taunts and criticism the rest of the year. If only women enjoyed equal rights, wouldn’t it have been equal blows on both minds and wallets?

And how are the married or couples already in old relationships expected to outshow others?

The reasoning power also thinks it a wasteful celebration. Thousands of flowers cut for just one day - bad for the environment, stuffed toys-silly dust-collectors, too much sugar - bad for health, later your wealth. Indians buy jewellery on so many occasions, so why more?

Commitment is fine, but in Indian setting aren’t hugging and kissing your partner or spouse in public frowned upon?

What if you are invested in the relationship for the sake of the kids or there is no better option? Do you still want to show it off?

We have not even mentioned what if it is just another way that businesses entice you to spend.

Interestingly, it is not a game for grown-ups only anymore. Teachers are said to be the toppers on the list of valentine card-receivers per year followed by children, mothers, and even pets. Then of course, there are friends who always have your back. Maybe, people are coming to their senses and want to celebrate all relationships.

Yet after all, if you are single, recall the umpteen times your friends and others in relationships came rushing to you for support and succour. So go ahead, treat yourself to a great time.

Final word? Methinks, forget the mainstream, ditch the societal norms, and just celebrate life.

                      Shall meet you here on the 1st!    - Anupama S Mani