No Holi colours, please

No colours for me on Holi, please!

Amitabh Bachchan (L) in the baap (father) of all Holi songs- Rang Barse

Does it happen with you that you express your dislike for something socially accepted as normal or even great, and everyone tells you how wrong you are?

For me Holi or rather my dislike for playing Holi is one such issue. I have checked with several people and found that there are others too who cringe at the thought of this festival. Some, however, allege that ‘others’ force them to indulge in this battle of smearing of colours.

On the night before the full moon night of the Hindu month of Phalguna (Holi), bonfires are lit on crossroads and other open spaces to mark Holika dehan (burning of Holika). The story is that she, on the orders of her brother demon king Hrinyakashyap, had agreed to sit in a pyre with her nephew Prahlad with the intention of killing the little boy who sang the praises of Lord Vishnu. Holika was blessed with the boon to remain untouched by fire. But as you can guess, she was burned to death and Prahlad came out unscathed.

The Holi ritual is that you go to a friend or neighbour’s house, call them out, smear dry colour powder on one another’s face, and they do the same. You might also pour coloured water on one another. Together you go to the next house, do the same and carry on in a similar fashion.

Children have their own little celebration and hurl balloons filled with coloured water at you or squirt it with pichkaris (water guns) which is all in the spirit of Holi bonhomie and forgiven.

This goes on till you reach a final spot decided on, sing, dance, share and eat snacks like gujiyas, dahi wada, savoury knick-knacks and sweets.

After a few hours of this annual exercise, you go back home, wash off the colour from your hair and body, dress preferably in new clean clothes and are mighty pleased about how much fun you had.

Isn’t that it? Sounds such fun, though messy. A great way to bond with people too, you would say.

Now look at it my way.

The day generally starts with loudspeakers blaring Hindi film song ‘Rang Barse’ (colour is raining) everywhere and within a couple of hours, you can hear young men whizzing past on motorcycles running without silencers, honking horns, throwing clouds of coloured powder in the air, shouting Holi hai as if you were unaware.

People bang on your doors till you come out. If you don’t, they may throw colours or water inside from an open window. Then once you attempt applying colour, it turns into a tussle, sometimes with more force than can be classified as fun, about who can apply more to the other’s whole body, hair, clothes wherever and everywhere till they feel like a winner. Some colour might get into your eyes, burning them. Somebody comes armed with silver paint making the recipients look like actors dressed for a mime show.

For a good two to three hours, the scramble repeats with every next person you meet. A perfect opportunity to vent ill-will against someone!

You may be forced to smile at people you do not want to socialize with. You see their eyes reciprocating the emotion although their mouths open in a smile exposing their teeth (the only feature on the face still in their own colour). Nearly everyone walks about in clothes drenched in a mixture of colours which within an hour, has turned into a purplish brown and leaves a trail of mud-coloured water everywhere.

Wet, dirty, exhausted, unrecognizable, eyes smarting, you return home sometime in the afternoon, try to find a spot for your now unusable clothes where they would not ruin the floor, and fight to get into the bathroom first.

Washing the colour off is like scouring greasy burnt cooking pans. Handfuls of shampoo, bodywash, soap, are massaged and scrubbed into skin and hair, washed off with gallons of water for a very long time, and yet your towel turns pink and there is still a deep purple tinge to your skin and nails. God forbid if somebody has thrown muddy water or eggs on you!

There could be hazardous chemicals in colours. Do those who claim the colours are organic, test them? What about all that abrasive smearing? It takes cupfuls of lotions and creams to soothe the skin.

Somebody might have given you bhaang (cannabis) laced drink or food which takes you on a different kind of trip which would last a few hours. Probably you also had to reason with somebody drunk so early in the morning, to leave you alone.

Hiding behind the colour and revelry, some lecherous ones leave inhibitions, ignore all personal boundaries, and think it appropriate to touch, grope women and harass them, destroying the meaning of the festival for the victim forever.

Do not forget the premature celebrations by enthusiastic people who start this colour-play a couple of days earlier when their school/college/office/workplace closes for the Holi holiday.

Or the children who learn to find masochistic pleasure at a very young age. They find it amusing to throw water (with or without colours) balloons from their windows, balconies or behind the walls on passersby at any time of the day.

All along the slogan is ‘Bura Na Maano Holi Hai’ (Do not mind it is Holi) so everything should be pardoned.  

For several days you notice green insides of some people’s ears or pink back of their necks. You say a polite ‘no’ to food as soon as you notice colour deposits in the nails of hands cooking or serving it.

Verandahs, terraces and courtyards are scrubbed for days to remove the colours. Some stubborn stains might stay on the walls and cars forever.

Added to that, Bollywood has romanticized Holi. There are scores of songs accompanied, of course with dance amidst clouds of colour which make Holi look like Indian Valentine’s Day. 

Thousands of Holi fires are lit every year. Calculate the amount of wood burned all over the country, a rough 100 kgs per bonfire and we have no right to talk of saving tress.

Or air pollution. 

We waste thousands of gallons of water washing off the colour and worry over water conservation.

Here, let me be clear. It is not illegal to not play Holi. So, avoiding Holi does not make me a criminal.

People have tried to tell me that even Mughal emperors played Holi as did Sher-e-Punjab Maharaja Ranjit Singh. They get annoyed at how boring and negative I am, quiet a party-pooper!

One wise lady tried to reason that even Lord Krishna played Holi. As far as I know during his sermon to Arjuna in the battle of Mahabharat, Krishna did not ask the latter to play Holi to be a true yogi/achieve nirvana or seek God Himself. So, God might have other reasons for thinking that His purpose of sending me on earth as a human has been defeated, but not playing Holi is not going to be the one, I am sure.

Incidentally, the day of Holi is also the International Women’s Day this year. Will women’s rights be dulled by colours?

Let me observe it from a peaceful haven. Have a safe Holi everyone!

                -Anupama S Mani