Sailing through security!

Sailing through security!

You have been through security checkpoint at a domestic airport. The same drill is followed at international airports in India as our paramilitary force CISF mans them too. They are savvy, familiar with our way of living. They can recognise the brightly dressed, heavily made-up woman with dozens of bangles hiding her wrists as a newly-wed. They are used to men in lungis, women wearing gold jewellery, young men and women arranging their hair often, the strong-smelling, spiced hotch-potch delicacy of some town.

But boarding a plane in another country, even if you are returning to India, can give most of us different levels of anxiety. I present here experts’ tips to sail through security effortlessly.

Airlines and security officials, frequent travellers, and of course, Indian parents, all advise that you arrive at the airport early to allow more time for any possible delays due to reasons beyond your control. (Don’t we know that?)

Whatever be their colour or dress, it is easy to recognize Indians. We do not carry one large hiking/camping bag, we carry several and love to show off big brands. This way we not only help global businesses, but also actively support conservation by using idhar ka samaan udhar (stuff from here to there).

Photo: Newsweek

The checking of electronic devices in carry-on bags got serious after the 1989 bombing of Pan Am Flight 103 over Lockerbie, Scotland. The device that destroyed that plane and killed 270 people was hidden in a boom box. The main reason for removing laptops and tablets, is because the dense metallic material in the batteries and some electronics obscures what’s beneath.

The list of prohibited items is similar for domestic and international airports.

You have the recipe with you in case you need to explain to the security official, unfamiliar with the smell coming from your bag of achar-poori-bhaji/puliogre, that your daughter in law/sister/mother packed this for you to save money on airport food. You have pre-cut veggies for salad/sandwich with salt and pepper added, and do not plan to chop them at the airport. You shall not try to save time by clipping nails or cutting the infant’s locks there. Anything with a pointed head or metal blade still tops the list of items to be confiscated before you enter the airport.

No gymming at the airport, you are not allowed to carry protein powder, in fact powder of any kind except a fixed quantity of baby formula. 

Despite reports about easy availability of guns in some countries, no need to bring them. We are atma -nirbhar (self-reliant) in our vast repository of readily available astra-shastra (missiles-arms). Outside India, has anyone seen the diagram of a coconut among the colourful pictures of prohibited items?

What if security does not allow more than 100 ml of shampoo, conditioner, lotion, nail paint, sunscreen in your cabin bag? You are carrying your personal mobile salon in the form of these very things (and many more) in 100 ml bottles each, kept in a transparent zipper pouch.

Worried about catching urinary tract infection from the airport toilet? The large number of fairly clean toilets are for the public good. Think of the people who, supporting the save water campaign, gulp down a large bottle of the elixir before the security guard can heartlessly throw it into the bin.  

Getting impatient or nervous waiting in the queue? If your own dress is comfortable, with no fuss, you have no large jewellery, piercings, metal objects; compare others’ original forms as they appear from underneath huge jackets/hoodies/baggy trousers. Look for entertaining writings on tee-shirts.

Keep children occupied. They speak without filters: these short ones’ noses might be closer to the subject when people are taking off their shoes. 

Carrying a cluttered or overstuffed cabin bag? The blessed security check-point provides an opportunity for improvement to poor packers.

Keep your glasses or face mask on, take out in the tray the laptop/tablet/phone/camera, cables/headphones, liquids, medicines, toiletries, keys, coins, metal objects, kids’ toys, food.

After the checking, you have several hours. Carry the tray/s over to the farthest bench. Put on your belt, jacket/coat/cardigan/dupatta/shawl, socks, shoes, wrist watch. Keep your wallet, boarding pass, passport safely in your pocket. Sort everything out, and repack. Breathe deep, put the bin back. I am not sure if you can take the tray home.

A happy ending to the story

Most of the security agencies in other countries do not question if you carry clearly labeled prescription/over-the-counter medicines, baby food purees (pouches, jars, or cans), breast milk, liquids and gels for medical condition, water/juice/milk for toddlers, accessories needed for medication, e.g., ice/freezer packs/IV bags/pumps/syringes or mastectomy products.

Avail this opportunity to update your knowledge of more permissible items. Cock your ears if you notice raw meat, hair curler, vibrator, live tortoise etc. gliding on the conveyor belt.

Carry your wrapped gifts for opening there. The guards would not only rip the elaborate packing and the seal apart, take the article out for you to mumble ‘surprise’, but run drug-sensor strips several times to ensure the giver is trustworthy.

If you are changing planes after clearing customs or boarding a domestic flight immediately, hug those two bottles of phoren liquor you bought at the duty-free shop. Do not let security throw the unopened bottles in garbage. It is your money, drink it all there and board the flight in a stupor. If you are the social kind, share it and let everyone have a good time. You’ll be a legend.

You have heard of embarrassing experiences at security checks and want a similar story in your repertoire to share, once back home? Follow the Indian habit of chatting up the security personnel. Let them make you their job for the next hour.

Several years ago, flying out of Rome, the security guard held my handbag, one of the best ones I have ever possessed, back. He ran his gloved hands into it. With my travelling partner Lily anxiously hovering, I too peered in. He rummaged, went under a fold and voila, like the prize-winner in a treasure hunt, held up a steel crochet hook. Ah, there it was hiding and I had thought I dropped it somewhere. My eyes filled up with tears of joy and gratitude.

But no, imagine how this went! With his near non-existent knowledge of English and mine of Italian, aided by hand gestures, my nervous babble and teary eyes, I soon turned into a spectacle. Finally, a senior security woman arrived to ask what the ruckus was about. He showed the offending metal implement while in my support, I showed her a half-finished crochet motif in my bag, both of us speaking at the same time. What I understood from the man’s gestures, he thought I could poke somebody’s eyes with that hook.

Yet, she burst into laughter. Her gestures seemed to suggest that I did not look like one who could do that. Never mind her confident attestation of my incapabilities, at that moment she seemed an angel. She returned my hook and let me go.

That day I realised how ignorant the world is about Indian movies. The hero never pokes somebody in the eyes with needlework tools. God knows where the weapon comes from or how he was trained in its use, but he merely fires one bullet or strikes with a sword and the villain’s life turns into history.

And yet, there is always something new which catches the guards’ attention. These days it is my hair. I move the plait forward, above/around my head, and in other ways, short of opening it loose, to show that it does not hide anything.

People say ‘happy’ this, ‘happy’ that, I say ‘happy security check’ everyone!

                                                                                               -Anupama S Mani