To do, or not to do

To do, or not to do

If you ask me on a Wednesday what topic I am going to write about that week, most of the times, I am not able to tell. Except the travel-related posts, it is very rare that I am certain what would finally appear on Saturday.

Dozens of topics/issues catch my attention, compelling me to share my thoughts with you; yet I write about only one a week. It gets difficult to decide the subject. Making the decision takes me a long time. Sometimes I might nearly complete something, and then decide that the time/topic/material is not appropriate or opportune and change or rewrite.

Others call this ‘indecision’ and label me as ‘indecisive’.

The dictionary meaning of the word ‘indecisive’ is ‘not able to make decisions quickly or effectively’.

Forget the big issues with long term effects, like choosing a career/job/apartment/car/life partner, or ending a relationship, retiring from work, changing jobs, even less significant matters take people like me a long time to decide.  

I have stared at my phone long before deciding if this is the right time to call somebody or nod my head in a ‘nah’. I take time to zero in on whether to do something myself or give it to others, where to go to eat, what to order, appropriate gifts, which book to read/film to watch, and scores of other matters. Even if it is somebody else, I think awhile, in no urgency to hasten the conclusion.

I occasionally meet people who are sailing in the same ocean as me. They greet my simple tea/coffee/juice/soda/shikanji(lemonade) with a blank stare or bounce at me, jo bhi aapko achchha lage (whatever you like). Oh, so now I have to decide; don’t they realise that I asked them to avoid this decision-making in the first place?

If they relish the firewater, they might first weigh the choices, cock their heads to look at the labels, ask, taste a sip before finalising on soda/ice/water/neat.  

Right from the moment we wake up to the time we call it a day, our time is filled with decisions, big or small, concerned with us or the people or surroundings we live in. Making several thousand decisions in one lifetime? Surely, that is a lot of responsibility for a human!

Concerned at my inability to decide quickly, friends and family have often tried to hustle and hassle when I am torn between two or more options or sides of an issue.

They would very kindly advise that I sharpen my skill of decision-making and advocate strategies to ‘tame the indecision monster’.

There are others who turn amateur psychologists and psychiatrists and spit their (uneducated) analysis on the whys of my spending time and energy on small decisions. They call it overthinking, fear of responsibility, lack of willpower/clarity of mind/passion. One Google doctor had the nerve to diagnose it as fear/anxiety/OCD, even aboulomania. These people depart from the scene, again leaving my thoughts flying to and fro like a shuttlecock in badminton whether they are well-wishers or I should avoid meeting them in future.

Worse are those who pronounce the judgement that women are indecisive; spend hours trying to decide what to cook of the three things in the fridge, lay sarees/salwar kurtas out on the bed trying to select one that looks good, yet is comfortable.

Have all the spontaneous, risky decisions by seemingly clear-headed men brought positive results?

The blessing that indecision is

Has anyone considered the positive side of being indecisive?

Being indecisive opens my mind to new information, allows me the adventure of exploring alternatives, possibilities available, search and analyse all aspects/contingencies.

The indecisiveness over which pattern to follow in needlework lets me dive into the deep ocean of beautiful creations. Of course, there have been times when I have unravelled or changed a whole project but doesn’t that give me double pleasure? And do I ever complain that I find it tough to pass time?

I save money shopping  online because undecided what to click on as I scroll through hundreds of items to select what I absolutely must have, I give up.

I resort to making elaborate charts and tables to weigh the pros and cons when making big decisions, like looking for an alternative apartment when some imminent issues in our residential complex seemed to make living here unimaginable.

The battle in my head helps me make what I like to believe, is an informed decision.

Sometimes, I end up deciding nothing. Other times, during the delay, time and circumstances make that decision for me.

What is the point of being cocksure of things and deciding them like a Dracula ant's attack?

Seen those people who with a remote in hand, scroll and surf through channels stopping only a milli-second, undecided when to finally stop to watch something? They are the most knowledgeable about everything being telecast and source of envy to others at get-togethers.

If you look up to successful people for guidance, Amazon founder Jeff Bezo  advises not to take any decision until you have 70 per cent information. Before rushing out of the house on a cloudy day, don’t you too look out the window, the weather forecast?

I am told successful politicians are aggressively decision-oriented people. But it is the voter in me whose mind whirrs like a food processor trying to reason who can best represent our interests. With no clear political preferences, the search is for information and confidence to know who will represent us properly. Alas, I am a minority!

Being indecisive is unselfish. It gives others an opportunity to be involved, to participate, think, guess, advise, sometimes second guess their own decisions.

Ophelia Deroy, professor of Philosophy of Mind at Ludwig Maximilian University, Munich says what makes humans smart is our capacity to be undecided.

What do you think is the concept of meetings and brainstorming sessions based on? If it was not for indecision, the top person would decide everything and the stick would rule.

Need I mention that the concept of democracy lives because of this indecisiveness or you want to live in one autocracy on the whole planet?

Come to think of it, the Bhagwad Gita, the word of Lord Krishna Himself, was the result of the ethical dilemma that Arjuna faced.

Even if my decision does not get me a favourable/advantageous outcome, I have the satisfaction that I thought it through.

Naturally, I am not trying to overcome this excellent habit any time soon. I suggest that you too try to curb that urge to immediately opt for a yes or no to matters pending decision. Reflect, reason, contemplate, ponder, ruminate; there is no hurry, every decision is not a matter of life or death.

Shun the boring people who plunge right in deciding with a snap of fingers, and thus, robbing every one of the mental gymnastics so important for keeping our grey cells active. We are blessed to be afforded options. 

                                                                                           -Anupama S Mani