Back with a firmer resolve

Back with a firmer resolve

I am back in my chair looking out of the window, gathering directionless thoughts, and trying to put them in some order to share with you.

Of course, as my readers, you have the right to ask the reason for my long absence. I was travelling and when back, had viral fever. We know how these seasonal ailments can drain one physically and mentally. Honestly, I recovered after a couple of weeks, but  I did not write. Within a few days I realized that I was missing addressing you. And that it was sheer laziness which was preventing me from writing. Not only writing, my needlework, which inspires me equally and brings me joy, also suffered.

Laziness is a sin, procrastination is a bad habit blah, blah, blah, I know, and thousands of words to enumerate tips for fighting this can be found between the pages of magazines and books or in the ether world. Yet all of us sometimes fall prey to this. So, please excuse this little lapse and let me pick up the threads again.

For a few days I somewhat enjoyed being lazy and not doing much. I got so good at that I could give a professional procrastinator a run for his money. But slowly, the fact that nothing was getting accomplished with that, started giving me angst, yet I did nothing about it. It was like wanting to be invited to a party to which you do not want to go.

Finally, one day, I wrote down a long list of jobs I had to do or finish. I enjoy making lists and crossing what has been done, but more about my lists some other time. The list became so impressive, I felt that ticking off all the jobs would make me an over-achiever. Now successful people and achievers are a bane for most of the population of this planet, and not wishing to hurt the sentiments and ambitions of others, I went back to doing nothing to conserve my energy for when I would get back into action. I looked for excuses to do nothing other than the urgent chores I was compelled to do. Soon, days turned into weeks.

Talking to myself for expert advice did not help. So, I turned to internet where some hardworking people have compiled a Wikipedia page on laziness. It said,

Laziness may reflect a lack of self-esteem, a lack of positive recognition by others, a lack of discipline stemming from low self-confidence, or a lack of interest in the activity or belief of its efficacy.

Words like avolition, decreased motivation to initiate and perform self-directed purposeful activities, athymhormia, i.e., disorder of motivation, and aboulia, neurological, with anatomical damage, scared the wits out of me. That is not me I was certain, so my great experiment with laziness finally failed. It could not become a habit or way of life. My old self broke out of the state of inertia and with a stronger resolve, I decided to sit down and type this out.

It has been four years since around Baisakhi in 2020 that I decided to start writing this blog and I have been writing regularly except when I am travelling. I have not been lazy.

So now onwards, I shall be communication with you without such a long silence (Shall I say knock on wood?) and would request you to participate as always, with your observations and comments.

                                                                                  -Anupama S Mani