Sweat, fret, regret: futile pursuit of exercise

Sweat, fret, regret: futile pursuit of exercise

I try to keep every promise as humanly as is possible but there is a specific one which I fail to deliver on.

Several times in a year I resolve, promise myself/members of the family/friends/doctor friends/well-wishers that I would exercise. I dread being ill, so any time I feel a wee bit under the weather, I immediately promise God that I would start exercising as soon as He makes me well. But alas, this is one word of mine I have never been able to stay true to, not to myself, not to anyone.

Even my wildest dreams have not been about ever competing in the Olympics.

I have tried to fix a time, just a few minutes but somehow something else more demanding or attractive to do, comes up and there goes exercise, forever unticked on my list of tasks for the day. No amount of self-talk or motivation has helped so far. No wonder then that I cannot help but wonder at those who exercise regularly.

Some have suggested yoga or going to the gym but even a morning walk or after-dinner stroll do not sound enticing to me. I can skip foods, follow a diet, take medicines regularly, so it is not a matter of discipline.

Not that I have not tried to start and follow some kind of exercise regimen in my decades on this planet.

Experts say start slow, ease into a routine, put it on your calendar, prepare the night before, listen to your body and once you follow through, reward yourself.

Scores of times I have started half-heartedly or with determination, but one week into the regime, and it has lost its appeal. Then I have to reward myself with ditching the activity altogether.

People suggest keeping an open mind. Don’t you dare challenge that my mind is not wide open to the thought of exercising.

I thought that I enjoyed walking. But I hate to be sweaty if it is too hot or muggy. In severe winter I do not enjoy walking like a panda in a quilt. Me walking with an umbrella during rain could pose a life hazard for other walkers. There are only about three months left in the year to walk outdoors when the weather is good, but aren’t there so many other things to do in fine weather?

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People accuse me of tossing hours and days in the house. I have tried walking with some whose company I liked and it worked for as long as either of us did not have to travel or attend to something else in that time slot. Once the routine breaks, it is goodbye to our audible conversation and the two pairs of feet striding up-down the stretch.  

I thought I could go cycling; but look at the effort involved. Taking the cycle up and down the flat and where do I keep it? How safe are our roads anyway?

Going to the gym? Na, not at all. So many sweat-leaking gym heroes (and heroines) in an enclosed place, on much-used machines - unclean and never washed, feels liked the breeding ground for millions of bacteria to me. I look at people running on the treadmill and I am reminded of hamsters on a wheel.

Does anybody know what they put in the highly processed, non-natural, preservative-laden protein powders to beef up the biceps and triceps of men who go through hours and days of masochistic torture?

What do they use those muscles for, besides pushing up the short sleeves of their tight black tees?

Some say exercise is good for me; it keeps me healthy, but if it was true, physiotherapy and sports medicine would not have existed.

They say physical activity improves the mood. You ever found me in a foul mood? On the contrary, if you do not brag about your exercise routine to me, I’d be more gracious with you.

Some say weight loss can be a goal but aren’t there dieticians for that?

I have noticed people who have overindulged during Diwali or Christmas or gorged on nuts, cakes with cream, ghee-smeared parathas, mutton roganjosh and gajrela (carrot halwa) during winter, get into a frenzy before the swimming pools open in summer to exercise, aiming for great shapely bodies to show off. Some try forever hoping that swimming would grant them enviable figures. So how do you explain whales and dolphins whom we love as they are?

I am not mentioning genes in this, because both my parents walked and cycled daily and kind of enjoyed it too.

Try racquet games, cricket/ volleyball, is the suggestion. Look at the effort, find people to play with, change into something to play, go, play, come back, bathe, get into a fresh set of clothes? These clothes must be washed daily. Isn’t using up so much detergent and water a threat to the environment?

Sagacious souls have tried to change my mind with ‘build activity into your routine, so it doesn’t feel like a chore’. My attempts at walking inside the house have failed because Mani insists we need at least some furniture for our use.

Do you realise that exercising is not a short term activity? It is something you slog at your whole life. Imagine if you took those 10,000 steps somebody told you to take daily, in a particular direction, you would have perhaps set a world record by covering Chennai to Murmansk on foot.

I forget where I read ‘follow your bliss.’

For 30 minutes, at least 3 times a week, think about exercise. Just sit somewhere and think about it.

• Do not answer the phone.
• Do not surf the Internet.
• Do not write.
• Do nothing but think about exercise.

I tried. Finally, even thinking of exercise for 30 minutes felt such a waste of time. I could have read something, learnt a stitch or two, watched something that invited laughter or awe or visualized what some people I know are going to be in their next life.

I have heard a lot, read so much printed word, listened to and watched scores of audios and videos that I can be a highly successful theoretical exercise advisor.

You exercise, your metabolic rate goes up, your food intake increases, so much damage to the environment. I’d rather my metabolic rate stays low, my food intake little, and I conserve the environment.

I am happy that you agree I just cannot and should not exert my bones or sack of flesh for the sake of increasing years of my old age.

Are there more people like me? Let us raise our collective voice against this loud noise about exercise.

                                                                                                 -Anupama S Mani