The Maze of Corporate Speak

The Maze of Corporate Speak

Continuing with what I wrote about last week- corporate jargon i.e., workplace language consisting of set of words, phrases, or acronyms which the business/corporate professionals use to help in their work. Some of them make perfect sense while in case of others perhaps one could use simpler words, more common in use.

Optics - It means how something appears to others. Why not use the simpler expression ‘public perception’ in its place? It would still look the same in the public eye.

Ping - You reach for your phone or mouse when you hear the ping sound as soon as the notification of a message lands on the phone/computer. When somebody pings you, they wish to talk to you or contact you, but no worries, you can always choose to answer later.

Paradigm shift - This denotes a major change in approach/perspective in respect of a brand/business idea. If you are not a fan of long 8-letter words, you are free to use ‘a big change’ because after all, very rarely do paradigm shifts happen in business/industry, as far as the news reports tell us.

Push the envelope - Sorry, I cannot visualise anything happening by merely pushing an envelope whether empty or with something inside it, but I am told the phrase means to go beyond, exceed limits. Is doing one’s best not enough?

Pivot - In the business world, it stands for shifting focus or changing direction in response to the conditions. People like me would use ‘switch’ or ‘expand’ and be happy with it. Business people please tell me, when you say, “We need to pivot our marketing approach to product development,” doesn’t it mean ‘OK, our way/strategy/plan has failed, let us try something else?’  

Proactive is an oft-heard word even outside of corporate world! I used to think active was sufficient but Vocabulary.com says If you are proactive, you make things happen, instead of waiting for them to happen to you. Active means ‘doing something.’ The prefix pro- means ‘before.’ So, if you are proactive, you are ready before something happens. Is this how probiotics, biotics and antibiotics work?

Reinvent the wheel -The wheel is said to have been invented in the 4^th millennium BC, so why would one reinvent it? Therefore, the phrase best expresses a situation when one recreates something or does a similar task, in an unnecessarily new manner.

Revisit - Easy even for me, it merely means going back/returning to an issue/plan/topic for further thought. You would ‘re-examine’ it.

Rightsizing - They want to say adjust or optimise to an appropriate size. From what I understand, it is a euphemism for downsizing and firing.

Synergy - More than one person/department/team are said to have synergy, when they coordinate, collaborate, work well together. Well, would teamwork not work or does it need several phone calls and emails to qualify for synergy?

Streamline – ‘Make (an organization or system) more effective and efficient by employing faster or simpler working methods’, says the dictionary. When somebody talks of streamlining operations, they need to make operations more systematic/structured and not what you were taught in science. (i.e., a smooth or flowing line designed as if for decreasing air resistance)

Silver bullet - Very recently I read this word which means a simple, effective solution to one or more very complicated problems. Good enough, as we know that often complex problems have simple solutions. My question is if this is so good, why stop at silver, why not gold bullet?

Secret sauce - Pinched from the culinary world, it means what it does in its parent field- the unique/special quality/feature considered the main factor in the success of something/someone. Like the chefs the person/company may keep it a secret or share with the others whether it is customer service, pricing technique and the like.

Scalable does not mean something which can be measured, but what can grow in scale like, be expanded or upgraded. Can we now make a bigger issue out of it, please?

Take it to next level One level up is a step ahead, better and an improved version in business. Of course, the next level is not defined and remains chimerical.

Touch Base is plucked from baseball where players must touch each of the four bases to score a run. When you touch base in the corporate world, you communicate with the others whether you discuss or talk the issue over with them or bombard them with emails.

Thought shower - imagine a shower or downpour, not of money, blessings/problems etc., but thoughts to find fresh ideas; ‘brainstorming’ or ‘idea session’ can jolly well work instead.

Think outside the box- Unless you are a cat, it means finding a way which is new and off-the-beaten-path. Innovative, creative, or unconventional could work in its place. The boss just wants to say, ‘Surprise me. Our system is not working.’

Value-add/addition Additional benefits/features of (generally) a product; simpler options would be ‘benefits’ or ‘advantages’. Marketing seems to be in a hyperactive mode about value-addition these days. Value-addition is meant to increase the worth, life, functioning etc. of a product and that could also translate to its price going up. Have you asked the customers if they need that addition and the higher price?

Verticals is the fashionable word for a specialised area, sphere, field or sector. If you are looking for new industry zones, you can with a profound expression announce that you are exploring new verticals.

Win-win - Did it come into existence after the 2011 film, Win-Win? Anyway, it means a situation when neither of the parties loses and it is beneficial to both. It is supposed to leave both parties happy.

Wheel house - if something is in somebody’s wheelhouse, it is in a field they specialise in. If you don’t like the idea of a wheelhouse, choose the common ones - ‘specialty’, ‘strength’, ‘expertise’, ‘forte’, ‘strong point’.  

Whiteboarding - The dry-erase whiteboard, a noun, on which you write with a marker, has been changed into a verb. When you wrack your brains, you may write the points down on paper or you do so on a whiteboard, which is easier for everyone to see.  The board may also be virtual. You want to use simpler words, stick to ‘think through’, ‘talk out’, ‘brainstorm’.

For the corporates, liberally sprinkling their language with jargon is the new normal. While ‘new normal’ i.e., something hitherto unusual becoming common/standard/typical now, seemed fine to my grey cells in respect of what it conveys, the phrase which offended my sense of language was open the Kimono. It means sharing information or revealing. The Hindi equivalent is patte khol dena or ‘to show your cards’, which sounds fine and is apt.

Even if opening the kimono is about a new business strategy, I found it inappropriate. In fact, I nearly agreed with https://www.catalyst.org/2021/03/22/racism-misogyny-asian-american-women-workplace/

that it sounded sexist, misogynist, and racist. 

Meanwhile, in a survey of business professionals conducted by Preply Business, it was found that ‘win-win topped the rankings of the most popular business buzzwords, whilst ‘new normal’ featured the most hated amongst survey respondents’.

It went on to add, ‘7 in 10 survey respondents said the use of business jargon in job descriptions influenced their decision to apply for a job with 1 in 5 people considering jargon in a job description to be a red flag.’

Yet several other reviews maintained that using ‘jargon with peers helps build connections and relationships, facilitating professional networking and collaboration.’

So, is use of jargon a matter of personal choice for business professionals or is it required to assure them a place in the corporate world? (Concluded)

I shall be out of town for a week, so will meet you here on September 14.

The sultry summer past, September comes,
Soft twilight of the slow-declining year.
All mildness, soothing loneliness, and peace;  

(September by Carlos Wilcox)                                                                                                                                                                        - Anupama S Mani